he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
