soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
