who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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