She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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