I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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