you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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