the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
