I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
