We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My vagina is officially offended.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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