I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
