my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
