if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
