DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
