stop calling my apartment porn island.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
