This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
