After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
