I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
