Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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