i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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