Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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