I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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