i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
