My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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