why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
