I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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