no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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