it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize