Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
