did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
