How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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