I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
