I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
