I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
