she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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