last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
