Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
