ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
