We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need help removing her.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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