If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
