problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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