i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
