you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
