After last night, I could never be a politician.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
