the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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