i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
