you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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