So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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