i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize