I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her facebook's as public as her vagina
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
