you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
