How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
