gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
