plz talk dirty to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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