We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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