return my video game
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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