You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
