Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
