Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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