he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
