Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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