i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
