so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
