So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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