I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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